WHEN A MENTOR IS STARVED

         

"Climbing the mountains of life is done one character building step at a time."

     Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship. Discipline and teaching are synonyms that will become wisdom when they applied. Mentoring children over a long period of time will reveal the character flaws of both you and your mentoree. That might might shock you to think that you might have a character flaw.

          Children learn at different speeds and mature at different ages. A simple concept for you might be like a rocket science equation for them. Your patience will be tested as you try and grow your mentoring relationship. Let me describe the garden where conflict is most likely to grow. Let's use the word: "STARVED" as the acronym for our garden, The following conditions can cause conflict; you need to examine your reactions to each condition before you react in an adverse manner.

S - Starved

• You might be hungry and this will affect your body and your mind. Hungry people tend to get grumpy.
• Are either you or your mentoree starved for attention? A child will do almost anything to get some attention. Don't overreact to attention getting ploys.

T - Tired

• People who are emotionally drained need a rest. Children need to be told to take a break. 
• Many adults continue working while they are in the midst of burn-out.

A - Angry

• Anger can be generational in nature, especially in families of absentee dad's.
• Children get angry when they feel you don't really care about them.

R - Revenge

• A child may disrespect authority because the authority figures in his life have let him down.
• One bad teacher can cause all teachers to be painted with the same brush in the mind of a child.

V - Vegetate

• Some children are passive in relationships because they don't feel cared for.
• If you don't have energy to continue as a mentor then have the courage to let go.

E - Ego

• Too much ego can lead to arrogant selfishness. You are not even close to perfect.
• Children have to outgrow their sense of entitlement and this is agonizingly slow.

D - Depressed

• Life is filled with ups and downs. An adult should be able to recognize the cause.
• Children often do not know why they are sad, they end up just getting mad.

          You will do things that you have to apologize for. A child will learn how to apologize by watching you. The imperfection in you works together with your apology to create a nugget of learning in a child's heart.

Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody.

Bob Kuebler

Founder / Mentor Force

Mentor Force is an organization of initiators.
We help young people who are at risk of leading impoverished and violent lives.
We teach teachers, mentors, coaches, parents and youth leaders how to build healthy relationships that make young people feel valued. Our goal is to ensure that every student has the benefit of being guided by a Mentor. If we can help you reach your potential as a Mentoring organization please contact us:  

716-830-8240 

 mentorforcebuffalo@gmail.com. 

www.youthwithapurpose.org

We are available for school assemblies and educator conferences.      

hungry angry lonly tired

MENTORING ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF

   

Some folks are nervous on the edge of a cliff.

Some folks are at peace as they see the great beyond.

A Mentor stands on the cliff and sees potential!

          We live in the age of testing. Our education system has been reduced to test taking. If a child fails a test, are they a failure or did they choke under pressure? If they choked, are they a failure or a choke? Many children who fail begin to feel inferior and quit school. Quitting is like jumping off the cliff instead of hanging in there and seeing potential. Does a persons performance under pressure give a true representation of their intelligence, learning or test preparation? What does all this mean for a Mentor?

          Professional athletes have been known to choke under pressure. Until they have "won the big game" they will be known as chokes. If a child repeatedly gets less than satisfactory grades, they will be labelled as a poor or mediocre learner. The Teacher of that child will be viewed professionally through the lens of a child's failure. There are many things that affect test scores. Injustice is something that visits all people indiscriminately. When it happens to a child, the pressure will affect them adversely. Is a Mentor responsible for helping a child get better grades?

ABSOLUTELY! 

          

          The role of a Mentor is similar to the role of a gardener. A better description might be to call the Mentor a "Heart Farmer." The heart of a child is a garden; it grows with plants and weeds amongst rocks and thorns. The neighborhood where a child lives may be bully patch of thorns. A walk home from school may be painful or dangerous. The boy or girl next door may be a gang member attempting to spread the weeds of their illicit business into the life of a child. An absentee dad is a stumbling rock. Your role as a Mentor is to help a child understand that injustice happens to everybody in some degree. 

          Some children seem to suffer more than others. Learning to do your best in all circumstances is a skill that can be taught. Conflict is a normal part of the growth cycle. Learning how to deal with conflict will help a child weather the storms that might cause choking and failure. As a Mentor, here are some key words to study and teach:

1. Commitment - Long term commitment to becoming an overcomer.
2. Perseverance - Know when to persevere and when to move on.
3. Compassion - Go the extra mile when somebody deserves less.
4. Knowledge - Study the heart garden of the child you are mentoring.
5. Prepare - Develop a plan of action that helps a child become an over-comer. 

Thanks for your time.
Go do something nice for somebody.

Bob Kuebler

Founder / Mentor Force

Mentor Force is an organization of initiators.
We help young people who are at risk of leading impoverished and violent lives.
We teach teachers, mentors, coaches, parents and youth leaders how to build healthy relationships that make young people feel valued. Our goal is to ensure that every student has the benefit of being guided by a Mentor. If we can help you reach your potential as a Mentoring organization please contact us:  

716-830-8240 

 mentorforcebuffalo@gmail.com. 

www.youthwithapurpose.org

We are available for school assemblies and educator conferences.      

The Shooter's Saggin' Shorts

The shooters saggin' shorts were duct taped

before he was allowed back into the game.

Duct tape and discipline give young people a better shot in life.

          During the summer months when lethargy and idleness become gateways to risky temptations, several inner city organizations turn up the heat of opportunity. Urban Christian Ministries has been keeping kids busy for over forty years. Block Club Basketball brings young people and their communities together for some good old teamwork and sportsmanship. Lessons are learned, discipline is taught and friendships are made.

          There is a "No Rump Rule" during Block Club Basketball. That means you are not allowed to let your shorts sag down and reveal your rump. Do I need to explain that any further? There are many things in a young person's life that can cause saggin' self respect. Certain customs that have been firmly entrenched in the consciousness of generations of families become acceptable and almost honorable. Going to jail is considered a vacation. A tear drop tattoo is a medal of honor for killing somebody.  The history of saggin' pants revolves around prison inmates who've lost their self respect. Lack of self respect has become an acceptable character trait exhibited by millions of young men who are fatherless. Every man is called to be a father. Every woman is called to be a mother.

          Saggin' pants and the "No Rump Rule" are a result of young men not learning how to be fathers. They haven't learned how to be a father because they haven't had a father. I visited a young man in jail last month. While I was there, he was looking on the prison database to see if his father was in the same jail. He hadn't seen him in years and he was still trying to meet up with his Dad. He's twenty one now and facing over twenty years in jail on Federal charges. When he was fifteen years old, I was driving him to school and he thought he saw his Dad driving by. He said he hadn't seen him in years.

          Self respect is taught through discipline and love. You need to have a relationship with someone before you can speak into their life. Urban Christian Ministries has been speaking discipline and love for over four decades. That's the same amount of time that many of our young people will spend in jail if we don't show them a father's love.

Thanks for your time.
Go do something nice for somebody.

Bob Kuebler

Founder / Mentor Force

Mentor Force is an organization of initiators.
We help young people who are at risk of leading impoverished and violent lives.
We teach teachers, mentors, coaches, parents and youth leaders how to build healthy relationships that make young people feel valued. Our goal is to ensure that every student has the benefit of being guided by a Mentor. If we can help you reach your potential as a Mentoring organization please contact us:  

716-830-8240 

 mentorforcebuffalo@gmail.com. 

www.youthwithapurpose.org

We are available for school assemblies and educator conferences.