The Calm of Discombobulation - A Lesson for Teachers

           Your lesson took hours to plan as you painstakingly crafted each detail to maximize its teaching potential. You eagerly anticipate the moment you'd deliver your masterpiece to a captivated audience of young scholars. The students trickle into your classroom like a stream seeping down a mountainside in late Summer. Patiently, eagerly you wait for them to settle into their seats.
          Suddenly on the horizon of their emotions, a storm cloud appears. Pat Hetic* saunters into the classroom just as the bell rings. His slumped shoulders, gruff demeanor and tear stained face give rise to an emotional volcano about to erupt. "I hate this school!" He screams and slams his books down on his desk. Your perfectly planned lesson wasn't designed to withstand the lava flow of Pat Hetic's emotional eruption.   
          Condes Cending* gives her loud opinion regarding Pat's immaturity. "That creep will never grow up." She spews her words in a venomous verbal judgement. Pat's friends glare at her and raise their voices in reply, their words are tipped with barbs of negativity. "Leave him alone, he's having a bad day! Besides you're no better than he is!" Soon, the serenity you had envisioned for your lesson has percolated into a waterfall cascading into confusion. Your painstakingly crafted lesson left no room for volcanic eruptions.
          Discombobulated might be a good description of your own emotional state as you grapple with the storm that's escalating with each verbal jab. The most basic definitions for discombobulate include words like: "to throw into confusion," "to frustrate," It's a scenario that is played out almost everyday in classrooms across the world. As a Teacher you understand the ebb and flow of emotional management in the classroom. If you haven't figured out how to teach amidst the storms of  adolescent volatility, here are a few secrets for you:

• Every interruption is an opportunity. There is value and a lesson in every emotional state. If you have built trust with your students, you'll probably face more storms than the miserable coot who only teaches for a paycheck. Knowing your students and giving them your presence allows you to forecast the emotional weather patterns in your class. 

• "Teacher know thy student." Make it a point to keep a written record of the interests, talents and challenges in a child's life. By investing time into forming a personal relationship with each student, you'll open the door to their heart.  You will know when something is wrong and it's usually related to a challenge that child has yet to overcome. Children want to know you care and then they allow you to speak into their hearts.

•  Recognize manipulating behaviors and set boundaries. Compassion and empathy are not to be confused with complacency and fear. Be confident in your ability to make a child feel valued as you set behavioral expectations for your classroom.

          It's a simple formula of "D=O" or "Discombobulation = Opportunity." There must be conflict for there to be growth. The Heart Farmer has to have broken ground before he can plant seeds of love for young hearts to grow. The muscle must tear before it becomes stronger. The butterfly must struggle to be able to fly. The diamond is made from stress and pressure. The pearl is made from an irritant. 

"Discombobulants are touch-points
that calm the storm in a child's heart."

Thanks for your time. 
Go do something nice for somebody.  

*Disclaimer
Pat Hetic (pathetic) and Condes Cending (condescending) are fictitious student names.
Any resemblance to actual students, living or dead, 
or actual events in your classroom is purely coincidental.

Bob Kuebler

Founder / Mentor Force

Mentor Force is an organization of initiators.
We help young people who are at risk of leading impoverished and violent lives.
We teach teachers, mentors, coaches, parents and youth leaders how to build healthy relationships that make young people feel valued.

Our goal is to ensure that every student has the benefit of being guided by a Mentor.

 If we can help you reach your potential as a Mentoring organization please contact us: 716-830-8240 

 mentorforcebuffalo@gmail.com. 

www.youthwithapurpose.org

We are available for school assemblies and educator conferences.      

MENTOR TOUGHNESS

           Sometimes it's easy to be a mentor and sometimes it requires some thick skin. When you make the commitment to be a mentor, you might have to toughen up a little bit. In the book "Mentorology - Volume One" we address the issue of dealing tough situations.

Steamship of Resentment
Chapter Seventeen  

"You're not my father!" It's a phrase that I've heard screamed in defiance countless times. Young men filled with resentment rebel against any fatherly figure who fills a role of authority. Anger at the absence of a father figure is embedded in the hearts of fatherless sons. Their subconscious is filled with volcanic like indignation that fuels quick-tempered outrage. Identifying the root of anger will help you teach your Mentee how to use anger as a building foundation instead of a self destructive force.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 33

We had to close the door to keep the young boy from running out of the Principal's office. He was out of control; punching, kicking, screaming and crying. I was in the building for a Relationship Mentoring Class and just happened to be in the Main Office when the boy was brought in. 

Talking to him seemed to have no effect at calming him down. Then we asked him if he wanted to draw and gave him some paper and markers. We were just biding our time until a parent or guardian could come and take him home. He began to draw pictures of people and a house. As he drew the pictures, he began to relax. We asked him about his artwork and he opened up a little. He said that sometimes he went to his Dad's house. He said sometimes they would argue and then he had to go home. The boy was angry about a family situation.

All situations require individual and unique responses. There is no "one size fits all" answer. Do not rely solely on your own experience to solve a problem dealing with anger. The anger issue that you may have lived through may be similar but each person is unique. Be a patient and empathetic listener. Ask questions about what, where, why, when and how regarding the anger. If someone does not want to talk: DO NOT FORCE THEM! Be a friend and build trust by being caring and non-judgmental.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 34

This next section may scare some of you. Depending on where and who you Mentor, dangerous situations can arise. Some teenagers will try and bait you into a physical altercation. You may be much stronger than a young boy - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE IT. Only use physical force as a last resort. If an attack occurs, defend yourself as best as you can.

I have Mentored in the inner city for over 10 years. I have had attempts on my life and damage to my personal property at my home. I have called the Police on numerous occasions. I have had to break up fights between both girls and guys. Drugs and alcohol play a huge part in violent behaviors. There are ways to protect yourself as you Mentor in potentially dangerous situations. Some are no-brainers but you need to burn them into your brain.

·         Whenever possible, make sure that there are 2 or more adults around you.

·         Always have a cell phone within reach.

·         Stay away from enclosed areas hidden from public view.

·         Maintain male to male and female to female relationships.

·         If you have any questions about someone who has a violent history, ASK THEM!

·         Do not hesitate to call the Police.

·         If you do say you will call the Police - THEN DO IT!

·         Be alert for signs of weapons.

·         Learn the cultural language that identifies threatening behavior.

·         Use your intuition to guide you and be on high alert.

·         Be careful when inviting the friends of the person you are Mentoring to be a part of your activities.

                        Mentoring can be dangerous in certain neighborhoods and with certain individuals. You most likely will never have to face the dangers listed above but the Boy Scout Motto is: "Be Prepared!" There are storms in life and preparation will keep you safe.

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Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody